Moving into Darkness

Here we are in mid-October: the days are becoming shorter, the temperatures are dropping and the sun is setting earlier and earlier with every passing day.

Winter is coming.

And thus the darkness is making its presence more and more apparent to us.

Literally and metaphorically.

We are simultaneously witnessing some of the most horrific acts of violence, hatred, terror, fear, torture, & terrifying acts of evil in the Middle East.

And it is a LOT.

Too much.

Especially as a Jewish woman.

Especially as a a highly sensitive empath.

Especially as someone with beloved family & dear friends in Israel right now. (Side note: PEOPLE are NOT their governments.)

Jacob, Matan, Boaz, Etai, Eytan, Maya, Amira, Uta, and these are just a few of the names of the PEOPLE whom I love dearly who I am genuinely worried about and scared for.

So what do we do?

How do we bear witness to this darkness in Israel & Gaza without it totally destroying our own humanity?

How do we not look away but also make space to look within?

How do we speak up to injustice, terror, oppression and horrific crimes but not traumatize ourselves even more in the process?

How do we stay informed without completely destroying our mental health and ability to regulate ourselves?

I don’t have the answers for YOU but I thought it might be helpful for me to share some of the ways that I am embracing self-protection strategies right now to protect my mental health, my heart and my peace:

***I do realize the great privilege I have in my life and even in many of my coping skills listed below. But nonetheless, I am a human trying to cope.

I got off all social media for now. Instagram. Facebook. TikTok. Gone. Deleted the apps from my phone. Right now it feels like the technological equivalent of a port-a-potty (which is perhaps reflective of our world) and there is a LOT of shit slinging and ugliness happening online. It’s frightening and very dysregulating for me.
I am reverting to my creature comforts of the past (90s) including: watching Friends, Gilmore Girls and Hallmark Romance movies. And definitely eating lots of potato chips right now - salty & savory person here. And Good Crisps (a healthier & GF version of Pringles, yes please!) are alright by me.
I am conserving my energy by not initiating more communication than I have the capacity for. Similarly, I am taking my time to respond to people’s messages to me. Access to me doesn’t mean I am required to respond IMMEDIATELY.
I am asking my partner for help with the dogs /chores/house when I don’t have the energy or simply need a break.
I am intentionally reading uplifting books right now, including: “The Way Forward” by Yung Pueblo and “Falling Down & Getting Up” by Mark Nepo. What words & ideas are you flooding your mind with right now?
I am conserving energy in order to be able to check in with my family in Israel everyday. When I offered to hold space for & listen to my cousin Eytan, should he need or want that, he responded: “I may take you up on that because it’s quite challenging to talk to people here right now. Because for some you are the shoulder to cry on and for others, you are trying to protect them from hearing all the horrific stories all around us right now.” My heart instantly broke but I realized that THIS is where I need to spend my energy - supporting and loving on MY family. That is a much better use of my life force than metaphorically yelling into the social media abyss from a place of a fear and helplessness. LOVE is always a better expenditure of energy than spinning in the never ending cyclone of fear.
I spend time in water every single day. Shower. Hot Tub. I need to intentionally wash away my dystopian anxiety, daily. It feels restorative, protective and something I cherish and am deeply grateful for.
I am writing this. I am listing out the ways that I am supporting myself right now while I feel scared, angry, sad, horrified, overwhelmed and exhausted.
I am/was unfollowing & unsubscribing left and right. I am also letting go of friendships that no longer feel safe for me. Sad that crisis brings this kind of clarity but it does.
I am getting outside into the fresh air everyday. Even if it’s just to sit on the front porch and breathe. It feels like an intentional time to notice my own aliveness and to give thanks for it. (I usually shed a few tears as well).

A few questions to reflect on or journal about:

How do you support yourself during times of intense stress and/or crisis?
How have your needs changed during these VERY stressful times? (Think energetic capacity, sleep, mood, socialization, etc…)
How do you protect your own well-being so that you continue to be a force of light and love in this world?

I don’t have the answers for what is going on Israel and Gaza. But I do know this…

Just last week, I went to the old Jewish cemetery here in Leadville to walk my dogs and to seek wisdom from my ancestors. When I stood there looking at the gravesites of Jewish 1 year olds and 5 year olds from the 1800s, I said out loud, “What do I need to know to make this horrific hatred and violence stop? How can I help?”

These words so clearly and immediately came to me: